Why is it that people feel the need to tear people down to get what they want?

I don’t understand. Positive influence and patience are the only things that ever truly work. Anything else is abusive, unsupportive and is soul-crushing. It doesn’t inspire. In fact, it generally just makes the person feel like a loser, like they’re nobody, unworthy and like the person saying the words doesn’t really love them or care.

I just want to leave now. I want to be away from it all. It hurts so much. I feel so little, like what I’ve done or what I’m trying to do just isn’t good enough. Like I’m not good enough. The worst thing is I thought you were on my side. I thought things were good for the most part. I know we have little skirmishes occasionally but for me that’s part of being two people and I realize something might just be bothering you or me at that moment and neither of us really meant it. It didn’t make me think bad of you. Now I don’t know what to think.

I feel so lost, so unwanted. I feel like I put everything in. I have been a true partner. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? I realize my goals have been put on hold for a moment  for me to support you but I have been okay with that because once we were through with it, I could focus on my goals and hope you would be supportive in me achieving mine. I do it because I love you. I do it because we are partners and partners help each other.

It’s not that I gave up on my ideas. I was just working towards them a little slower. I never gave up.  But now I don’t know what to do. I just feel I should go out and get a corporate job and been done with it. Why try for the life-long goal of being able to work from my laptop? It hurts. I’m so confused. I feel so small, like I’m nothing. I feel alone. So completely alone.

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2 thoughts on “Alone

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