I woke up from a very vivid dream this morning. One that I knew had a lot of meaning in it. I have a reoccurring dream that changes just a little all the time, although this time it had a big change. In the dream, I am on the property I grew up on as a teenager. I am always hiding from my family around the buildings on the property. There is a creek running all along the back and usually there are snakes swimming in the water. I am always escorted by my dog Patrick. Well last night the dream had some changes in it. I am hiding from family as usual along the back of the property by the creek. Only this time alligators came up out of the water chasing me and my dog. The dog has changed this time and is the one who escorted me to my dog Patrick in a dream from a few months ago. So not only do I have a new dog, I am also running from alligators and still trying to hide from my family.
So I went to the trusty dream guide this morning to help me understand the symbolism in my dream. The alligators indicate I am unwilling to face some painful and disturbing aspect of my unconscious and I am refusing to acknowledge some potentially destructive emotion. The hiding means I am not facing up to or dealing with a situation or issue. And the dog suggests I am having difficulties navigating myself out of a situation or problem and need a guide.
WOW! Could that get closer to home? I keep touching the emotions and feelings from the loss of my family especially now that I realize my sister will never be there for me the way I had hoped. Every time I get too close to those emotions I feel like I am going to break apart they hurt so bad. I understand I need to deal with them to be able to let them go but they feel so raw and painful. Why do we need to experience pain like that to move on and heal? How can we heal from something so painful? How do I just let myself fall off into those feelings and find my way bad? I’m afraid I’ll get lost in them and not be able to find my way back.